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How much music is left in us

May 16, 2017

With each passing moment of writing music, there at times where there is fear of not having new music to write. That feeling you get in your gut that “could this be the last album, the last song?” There is nothing more than feeling you have run dry, “where is the next song?” Musicians need to know that we have more to give musically. Life creeps in, situations, fears, doubts and time. These things cloud the judgement we have and we feel like we can’t write music, but it’s always there, at least that’s how I understand it. Perhaps we are afraid to find it elsewhere. It’s like some treasure hunt and the next great adventure is hiding somewhere in this life. The more music I write, the more of a search I have to go on to feel fulfilled, to feel complete.

I can’t simply sit down and write a melody, no I have to delve into the next world and find where the music is leading me. I would do better if I sat down and let my hands lead me like it use to be, but I have a hunger for something more than simple doodling. I want to wow myself emotionally, I want to break down from the intense emotions and feel it so deep in my heart that I get a moment of awe. That’s what music does to me when I write it, and some people feel that connection. If I cannot these days get that, I go away feeling numb from the experience. Is there something that needs to be dealt with before the next single or album is written? It’s like a task at hand, like some quest, do this before that then you can do this. I’ve always said, let the music come and it does, and my heart swells deep, but clouds gather because I have something on my mind. Yet there isn’t much to think about, just time alone is what a musician needs usually in order to make their next masterpiece.

It’s the fear and then we have guilt when we aren’t able to write music. Being a musician is a life of wonder and sometimes sadness. We always want to make the next creation, the next sound, the next anything, anything to do artistically with how we feel. Evaluating our life is how we get around. What can I do to write music? Sometimes I sit and play video games for months before I venture forth into the next song. Then I get the urge one day to write and write and write. Making music is much like a writer who writes novels, it comes when it comes. Could it be burnout, could it be I need rest…

I’ve learned you can’t make it come, otherwise you’re making plastic fake music. and the world has plenty of this to hear already. I want to write music that speaks volumes like one who reads an old book, from authors of old, and walks away feeling entranced and fulfilled, satisfied. Being free to play anything, sound like anything and do anything musically is how I live and breathe. Sometimes it’s best I guess to at least try to explain these things. I need the next event, the next emotion, the next experience these days in order to explain them in a cryptic context audibly. Musicians go mad slowly when they can’t express themselves, like some insane composer banging at their piano. When the dry spells are here, the next great piece of music is just around the corner.

Almark 5.16.2017

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